My sister asked me why I thought opposites attract.
Her thoughts: there’s things about ourselves we don’t like. Things we are “missing”, incapable of, or born lacking. Traits we wish we were. Someone who exudes these is attractive to us. All our wishing for our self is available in another.
This theory makes common sense to me. It is based on “brokenness.” That we are people created for more, who end up “broken” by the course of sin invading earth.
On the other hand, I tend to believe that which is “broken” about humanity is something God intended for us, unblemished, in a perfect state.
My thoughts: God created us to need each other. He created Adam and declared it “not good” or “not whole” for Adam to be alone. So He made Eve. Adam was incomplete, not whole, without Eve. There were things he lacked that Eve provided.
Maybe in the undercurrent of our conscious, we are cooperating with God’s design that we are incomplete without each other. Thus we are drawn to characteristics (often opposing ones) in which we are particularly incomplete.
In this way, marriage has the power to create a balanced “oneness” or “wholeness.”
At a baby shower I attended, guests were given a guessing game. The paper held a list of characteristics, mostly physical, like “eyes, lips, laugh, legs, teeth, personality, sense of humor.” Guests were to guess the expectant mother’s preferences for the infant. Did she want baby to have Daddy’s eyes, or her own? Daddy’s personality, or her own?
The woman in question was beautiful, capable, fun, good with people, and successful. Her husband was funny and lively, but overweight and not as successful as she was. The game seemed easy to me – most of the attributes she would prefer the infant to get from herself.
I was totally wrong.
There were maybe one or two attributes she preferred of her own, but almost the entire list, she wished for the baby to get his/her father’s traits.
In light of the question my sister posed, this makes sense. Before marriage, she was attracted to her husband’s qualities, internal and external. No surprise she was equally attracted to the idea of her child acquiring them. She had a harder time seeing her own strengths, and probably was hard on herself for her weaknesses, or perceived unattractiveness – so why would she wish baby to turn out like her?
Perhaps our “broken” reaction of despising certain things we have, wishing for those we don’t have, then seeking the antithesis in our mate, is the answer to a God-given need delivered inside each of us at creation.
We need each other. To wisely parent. To make balanced decisions. To avoid the pitfalls of extremes we might otherwise be individually draw to.
My future children, growing up without the laughter and spontaneity of my husband, would be missing so much. Growing up without my self-discipline and consistency would be equally empty. I feel for single parents as I say this.
Many excellent marriages are made of people with similar personalities, not opposing ones. I would venture that even there, you will find opposing strengths unique to one or the other.
Possibly some are what drew them together. Possibly some are what their future together could not survive without.