I ran across a blog post by photographer Jesh de Rox that grabbed me. He says it better than I could, though I agree with so much of what he says here…..
"why are the ones who are supposed to love us the best sometimes the ones that hurt us the worst?"
“a friend of mine asked this poignant question recently,,,
“the simple answer is: because of our expectations of them, because of misinterpretation, and the deep needs that come with being human."
He continues later in the post with thoughts on reconciling the type of heart ache that comes from being “hurt the worst by one who loves the best.”
“it comes down to deciding how far you will go to fight for the one you love,,, and it's a 'fight' of an altogether different nature.
“are you willing to be brave enough to set aside your own fears, your own issues, your own deep past hurts?
“are you willing to look at words and actions they say or do that your mind will so very strongly tell you mean you are being attacked, and instead read them for the seismic signs they truly are?
“are you willing to set aside yourself, and give, in small but precious moments, a true open place from which to re-see this one who at the same time has been such a source of joy and sorrow?
“this is what it truly means to forgive. it is a far greater feat than mouthing the words aloud, and more rare."
He concludes these actions are expressions of love, a kind of love that can overcome any relational destruction. As long as both parties share that same kind of love, he believes any hurt can be overcome.
In the famous “love” verse in First Corinthians so often read at weddings or other sacred moments, the characteristics of love float like airy flowers, and melt like a gossamer shawl, painting a picture of the most beautiful, safe, tender thing you can imagine.
Photo Credit to the amazing Melissa Williams of www.WillowGrovePhotography.com
“Love is patient…. kind…. generous….. humble…. honoring…. selfless…. giving….. gentle…. forgiving…. rejoices when the truth wins…. protects…. trusts….. hopes….. perseveres…. Love never fails.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
I want to give my own summary of this verse in the context of the thoughts Jesh presented.
Love is the hardest thing you will EVER do. EVER. The HARDEST thing.
Because of love, willfully, and willingly, we will do the most difficult things we have ever set out to do.
Forgive unimaginable wrongs done to us that should be unforgiveable.
Speak to family members about deep fears and hurts between us, with the goal of healing.
Rub salt in the self-inflicted wounds of our own mistakes, by taking responsibility and begging forgiveness from the ones we have hurt. The ones we love.
Even when we feel it’s not our fault. Even when we are right.
Because we love.
Because we are a mess, and we can’t go through life without screwing up. Badly. Because we will be the sword that cuts the ones we love most. Because we all do it. Because we can’t stop… until we beg God’s forgiveness and love to invade us…. until we bend and break our vanity in the act of choosing to love in the gritty ways this verse calls us to.
We like to think, “Yeah, but it has to be a two-way street.” I don’t know. Jesus will love some people on a One-way street their entire lifespan. And they’ll never walk His way.
I’m not talking about chronic abuse here. I don’t feel qualified to address such a challenging subject. Most life situations where we are hurt the worst by those who theoretically love the most, are normal life, and outside of abusive situations.
And they are not a time to run away, but a time to run in, and love. Forgive. Be humble. Selfless. Patient.
The gossamer fairy flowers of “love” is our imagination picturing a world where we are always treated this way. Where everyone behaves like 1 Corinthians 13 toward us. But that would be missing the point. We are to BE this way. It is harder than climbing Mount Everest, public speaking, writing a book, completing a PhD, or anything else that would be physically or intellectually daunting to most people.
BE love to the ones you love most. Especially after they pierce you with a sword.
I guarantee you, it will be the hardest thing you will ever do.
I pray it will also be the most rewarding and the most healing. And when our love-suffering, soul-shattering, heart-rending, gut-wrenching efforts of love seem to make no difference on earth, may we hold on to the hope of a difference in eternity. Jesus did.
