This morning I found out that you exist inside my womb. You are a round cluster of cells with no definition but with all the DNA that will make you YOU. You are a bit smaller than a round grain of rice, and you have already quadrupled in size from conception, when you were about the size of a poppy seed!
I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell with happiness. I wanted to let out all the years of pent up sadness that was waiting for you. Instead, I was frozen. Afraid to feel, afraid to be happy, afraid I might still lose you.
I knew before I saw two pink lines. I woke up and it was day sixteen and my feminine monthly had still not arrived. It’s never been this late. Two pink lines at 4:30 in the morning only made me stare and wonder how it was possible that you were really alive inside me.
You have been alive for two weeks already, and I didn’t even know it. You have been so tiny and so quiet that I managed to wake up every morning and function all day long in my usual routine, with no clue that you had sneakily begun growing already.
Beta, I don’t want to lose you. That is the only reason why I hesitate. Are you really there? Can it really be true? Will you really come to enter my world, alive but breathless at first, so many months from now?
You are too good to be true.
This is what another woman in the Bible who waited a long time for her Beta, wrote about a day like today, “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him.” (1 Samuel 1:27)
tags: four weeks pregnant, 4 weeks
pregnant, pregnancy blog, conception, four week size, what size, fetus, development, baby,
belly, praying for baby, pray