NOTE: I wrote this post on 9-15-2010. Then I wasn't sure I wanted to publish it. Then today I read these two blog posts that resurrected at least some of the same thoughts.
So I dug out my old post, and here it is. Cleaned up a tad, but mostly the same. I actually preached a few sermons on worship at my church last year, and the basic message of this post was part of what I had to say. In worship of God, being true to our values not our feelings.... (ie we worship God even when we don't "feel" like it).
The disclaimer here is that while I still believe this, it shocked me how much my perspective had matured even a bit more in the year since I wrote it. I still think it's true; I'm just not so feisty about it.
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Do you remember in your youth, getting on a “being real”
kick? I suppose it could be just my
generation, but I doubt it. My guess is
that each generation, and most people, go through a stage like this.
One day in the transition between childhood and adulthood, we
discover we can have an identity separate from our parents. We want to make OUR mark on the world. This translates into wanting to do our own
thing. We make the horrible discovery
that our entire lives and decisions have been mirror images of our parents’
values. Mimicking someone else isn’t
real or authentic! It is a façade! I am a fake!
“No more!” we say. If
we were taught to put on a cheerful face even when upset, we decide it’s better
to be scowling than covering up our true feelings. If we were raised to treat other people
nicely even when we thought they were an idiot, we buddy-up closer to our
friends and ignore the others; because to “act like a friend when we’re not”,
would be fake. If working hard in school
was expected of us, and we’re sick and tired of it, we stop trying because it
would be better to get poor grades than “be someone we’re not.” If we were taught to be silent about politics
to avoid ruckus, we suddenly wanted to debate everyone we know.
I remember having this obsession in high school, and
lingering a bit into college. The
obsession was shared by students around me.
Be real. Be authentic.
We somehow determined that worse than being unkind to
someone, was being syrupy sweet to their face when you truly couldn’t stand
their presence. Worse than questioning
God and faith, was acting like a good kid on the outside and doubting on the
inside.
I can’t recall all the things that felt fake and inauthentic
as a teenager, but I remember realizing how tragic it would be if we constantly
lived with pasted smiles and perfect, cheerful responses, when inside, we were
hurting, lonely, or wondering.
My friends concurred.
No matter what, we had to stop being fake. Whatever we believed, however we felt, that
was what people would see. What you saw
was the raw truth. There was no more
hiding behind the mask of the perfect little selves our parents and teachers
wanted us to be, when inside, we felt like a mess.
While this awakening was part of our growing up experience,
as an adult I’ve realized there’s another side to the conversation.
At the time, what we insisted on being “real” about, was our
feelings. If we felt depressed, we
weren’t going to act happy. If we felt
angry, we weren’t going to act polite.
If we felt mellow, we weren’t going to act all excited to be there. We insisted on being real. But truly, it was being Real To My Feelings. And sometimes, our worst feelings.
With a few extra years of maturity, I have a new
mandate. I want to be Real To My Values.
I value people, therefore I can be considerate even when I’m
in a bad mood. I value my car, therefore
I restrain myself from ramming it into the car of a driver who is being
amazingly rude. I value my husband, so
even when I want to be mean out of frustration, I try to work things out the
way our counselors taught us. I value my
job, so when my manager is being inconsiderate, I try not to argue.
Scripture teaches us the same lessons. Jesus says crazy things! Like, turn the other cheek, pray for your
enemy, and forgive someone seventy-times-seven (a metaphor equivalent to a number
too large to be measured). Paul tells us
to exhibit fruits the Spirit: love, peace, patience, long-suffering, and self-control.
They must have known about me when they wrote this stuff. Seriously, actions like these do NOT come
naturally! I default to a mess of bad
attitudes, complaining, and selfishness with the slightest amount of stress or
things not gone my way. I bought a
t-shirt once to keep me humble. It reads
“I’m easy to please as long as I get my way.”
That is SO how I have lived my life, and so NOT how I want to be living
it.
My only method of near-survival is Scripture reading and
accountable relationships in my life.
Scripture reading reminds me how much greater God expects and enables me
to be. People like my mom and sisters
and husband give me plenty of opportunity to work on my attitude ;) as well as
amazing examples of Godly lives.
I hope that people who know me would describe me as
authentic. I don’t hide my issues. But I don’t whine about them all the
time. I want to be known as someone who
was down to earth and real, but I also want to be remembered for being caring,
patient, and enduring. I guarantee you,
that won’t have happened because I FELT like it. It will be because I VALUED it, and I brought
my nasty, unpredictable emotions in line with my values.