Is it possible you are already four weeks old?! I know I will say these same words when you are four months, four years, and forty years old. My life only gets more beautiful the longer you are in it.
Your Aunt Tabitha sent you some adorable outfits (one shown above) and a card that made me weep.
"Someday he'll be a strong confident man...
but you'll always remember the first time you held him in your arms.
Someday he'll have his own hopes and dreams,
not knowing that once upon a quiet time,
you closed your eyes and dreamed to have him in your life."
I am reflected in your gaze
In your first month,
You love:
- nursing (You grunt and snuffle and make all sorts of adorable noises, loudly, almost the whole time you eat. It's like making a bunch of eating noises heightens your enjoyment of food.)
- napping in the Ergo or Moby
- being held, cuddling on my chest or in my arms
- looking at windows
- being swaddled to sleep at night
You hate:
- having your diaper changed
- having your clothes changed
- taking baths
- being left alone laying on a bed, in a crib, or in the swing
The last four weeks have been amazing and challenging. I am learning to be a Mama. You are learning to be in the world.
I could sit and stare at you for hours.
And sometimes I do.
Your Daddy is just as infatuated as I am.
Every day when he comes home from work, he has kisses for both of us.
He can't wait to get you in his arms each afternoon.
He changes diapers like a pro, although I'll never forget when he changed a meconium diaper with latex gloves on and then gagged into the sink!
He took you on your first stroller ride and your first hammock ride when you were four days old.
The first week, we called you Jax, Beta, Beta-Jax, Chunker (because you are such a big boy!), and Squeaky (because of all the cute squeaky sounds you make!), Reilly Boy, and My Son (because it's just so amazing to be able to say).
Sometime during the second week, we stopped calling you Beta. You have formed your identity as a little baby boy, and you really seem more like "Jax", even though you were Beta for so long.
This week, I've been calling you "Little One", "Sweet Boy", and still, "My Son." I call you Jax most of the time, but also frequently call you Reilly. Both names are truly who you are. Your Daddy and I both love to call you "Son", because we can't get over the fact that we really, finally, have a son. What a gift.
You've recently started smiling, and sometimes I'm convinced you are smiling on purpose, in response to us talking to you. You've also started making cooing sounds and something that sounds like a giggle, although I know it's not a real intentional laugh yet.
You sleep in our bed at night, all swaddled up, on a little mat between our heads. One night last week, your Daddy was sick so he slept in another room. You could tell his warm body was not in bed on the other side of you, and you refused to sleep on the mat. Instead, you slept on my chest with your head over my heart. Such a familiar sound.
At night, you sleep three to four hours at a time, waking to eat and have your diaper changed for twenty to forty minutes or so, then sleeping another three to four hours. We get three "chunks" of sleep this way before we get up for the day.
The first week, I was having trouble getting you latched on to breastfeed properly, so I got out of bed and sat in a chair to feed you. Sometimes my mom would get up with me to feed me a midnight snack. I've been ravenous since you were born, eating five or more times a day, to keep up with how much you are eating! You've eaten all my "baby weight" right off me, and two weeks after you were born, I got to within four pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight. I expected it to take much longer, but you were clearly a good eater in-utero, and you're still a good eater! You already weigh 12 lbs 1 oz!
You like the car, and usually fall asleep or look around peacefully when we drive. If you fall asleep in your car seat, you usually stay asleep once we get to our destination, for ten to thirty minutes.
Your first car trip was to the pharmacy. Your Aunt Mercy drove us, and I sat in the back seat with you. That same day, your second car trip was to visit Tita! Your Aunt Priscilla drove us that trip.
On your third week, your Daddy and I went on our first date since your birth...to frozen yogurt. You slept in your car seat the whole time! Then we made it look like you stole all our yogurt.
I've gotten you to nap a couple times in your crib or bassinet, but it only lasts ten to thirty minutes. Most of the time you either nap with me, laying on my chest, or in the Ergo carrier. If you nap in the Ergo, you will usually sleep an hour or two cuddled there against my body. One day you were fussing so I put you to sleep in the Ergo while I played piano for you. As my own body is recovering enough to be more active, I'm wearing you several times during the day. The Ergo is our best bet right now, because you love to hang your head backwards and look around.
I also have a Moby Wrap, but it doesn't support your head without
pressing you close to my body and covering your view, so you prefer the
Ergo, where your head can be supported while you take in the world.
Sometimes when you sleep, you are so still and peaceful, I get nervous! I touch your skin to make sure it is still warm, and feel your chest to be sure it is still rising and falling. You look so beautiful and peaceful when you sleep.
You like to look at windows and interior overhead lights and ceiling fans, which is common for newborns. You especially like looking at the window behind our bed, because our bed frame is contrasted against the white blinds. Newborns see high contrast blacks and whites best until their eyes develop more. You also love looking around at your nursery! There is so much color and contrast there for you to take in. There is a window next to your changing table, so when we change you there, you love looking out the window.
You have so many cute inquisitive expressions! The few that I've captured have been almost by accident, as I just get out the camera when you are alert, and wait....
Your Grandmama has been an absolute lifesaver. I've had a lot of recovering to do from your birth, and she has taken care of me so well. She has cooked, cleaned, done our laundry, talked to me, held you, and repeated, almost every day for your first three weeks. I don't know what I would do without her!
Mostly my life and your life the last month has been in our bedroom. Your diapers get changed a hundred times a day there. We sleep and nap there. We nurse in a chair there.
Our restful days are punctuated by occasional errands, visits from your cousins, or trips to Tita's house.
You were circumcised on your eleventh day of life. You refused to
eat for six hours afterward, which is SO unlike you, but then you
returned to your normal self and healed up nicely. During those six hours, you never left me. We rode home in the car, and you napped. Then for the rest of the afternoon, you and I were in bed together. I kept trying to nurse you, but instead you cried off and on, and mostly slept. I never put you down, but kept you sleeping in my arms. I couldn't bear to leave you.
Your tear ducts have
started working which just melts my heart. You got a bad diaper rash
because I wasn't changing your diapers frequently enough, and your skin
had some other kind of odd rash with lots of red bumps that had pus in
them. We took you to my naturopath and he gave us some drops which
cleared things up in a few days. This photo is at the naturopath's
office. You are wearing an adorable outfit your Nana Rose and Grandad
John sent!
The first nursing position you and I mastered was the "football
hold." About a week later, we mastered a laying down position where I
lay flat on my back, and you lay face down on my belly and chest.
Somehow, you can nurse in this face-down position, and it actually
taught you to latch on better. Within a few days of mastering that
position, we could finally get the traditional "cradle hold."
You sometimes like the swing, and at about three weeks old, started
watching the little spinning toys above your head. You've spent several
of our meal times awake and happy in the swing. You won't stay in
there too long, but you're usually happy at least during our family
dinner. I remember your Aunt Priscilla would also be happy in the swing
while we ate dinner. We pulled her up almost to the table so she would
feel close to us. You napped once in the swing for almost an hour!
When you were two weeks old, we went to church for the first time. I wasn't quite ready yet, but we were having a special service where we talked about missions and outreach projects. I wanted to give an update on the water project we did a year ago for my birthday. The project was inspired partially because I was feeling so sad for myself that I was about to be thirty years old, and I still didn't have any children. To get my sad eyes off myself, I decided to do something to help others. In some parts of Africa, one in four children will die before their fifth birthday due to disease caused by lack of clean water. So through a non-profit called Charity Water, we raised $5,000 to fund a water well and sanitation project in a needy village. We raised the funds last year, and just found out the specific location our project will be built in: Ethiopia and Sierra Leone. Now this coming year, the project will be built. When it is completed, we will receive photos of the villagers that now have clean water! I did all of this to know that I had made a difference in the world, to get my eyes off myself, to serve others. I did it because I realized I was too selfish and had too much stuff, and I wanted to know I had impacted people who had so little. Little did I know that my heart's desire - YOU - would be here just a year later! Oh, and here's how you looked on our first Sunday at church (mad because I was taking photos instead of feeding you!).
Happier after you ate.
Later that evening, we attended the birth of a little girl of our friends. While her Mommy was in labor and the baby was yet to arrive, you were the hit of the labor party! Your Grandmama came along to hold you while I took pictures. Our midwife Robin, and her co-midwife Joi, were our midwives and our friend's midwives, so they were excited to see and hold you just two weeks after they helped you be born!
Our friend holding you, hoping it will help along her labor!
Robin Rabenschlag, our midwife
Joi Brock
Here is the baby, hopefully who will be your friend since we go to church together! Her name is Maribel. You are just fifteen days older than her.
Our bluebonnet photos were taken after our first big outing to the town of Fredericksburg, a German antique village about an hour from us. Your Grandmama and Tita came along with us. You are three and a half weeks old here.
Here's how we can see that you belong to us!
I like to pray for you while you're in my arms sweetly nursing. I pray some of the same Scriptures I prayed over you for the first nine months of your life. For your ears to hear Jesus, your eyes to see beauty, your lips to speak and sing praise....for you to know your need for a Savior at a young age.
You are a precious gift. I couldn't be happier that you are finally here.
