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Down In My Heart Joy!: Sleep Progress | How To Help a 10 Month Old Baby Wake Less During the Night without Crying
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Over the last few weeks, I've been trying to help Jax learn to sleep longer through the night, waking less frequently. The book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" has been very helpful, but I also wanted to detail my process. I have preferred not to resort to crying, although I would do it if I felt I had no other options left. The parents I know personally who have finally used CIO (cry it out), have told me they tried EVERYTHING, and were completely out of options before they tried CIO, and CIO worked. I don't have any criticisms of that method, as each parent has to choose how to raise their child, and what they will do / won't do to help their child sleep. But this is my recent journey.
Problem: Jax at 10 months old, waking every 2-3 hours all night long. Sometimes as little as 1 hour, sometimes as long as 4 hours. I'm not getting good sleep; he's not getting good sleep, and everything I'm reading says many babies his age are sleeping much longer stretches than this.
Problem: My experience thus far is he is a stubborn crier. On the handful of occassions I've tried to let him cry and go back to sleep on his own, he has cried as long as 30 minutes with no calming or relenting.
Problem: My only solution thus far to put him back to sleep after a night waking was to nurse him.
7 pm bath
7:30 pm nurse until he falls asleep
8:00 / 8:15 pm Asleep, gently un-latch him, put down in crib laying on tummy
8:45 - 10:00 pm somewhere during this time he would wake up crying
I used to pick him, lay down in the twin bed in his room, and nurse him 20-30 minutes until he was very asleep. Put him back in crib.
Repeat at midnight, two am, four am. Between 3/4 am if he wakes, bring him into bed with us.
So I decided there was no way he should be hungry between 9 and 10 pm, since he had just eaten a solid food dinner, then nursed very well, before bedtime. So I wanted him to no longer nurse to sleep at the 9 / 10 pm waking.
Step one: Shorten duration of nursing time from 20/30 minutes to 5/10 minutes. Get him to unlatch before he completely nurses to sleep.
As soon as I would get a let down, I'd wait for him to nurse through it, then as soon as his nursing turned soft and fluttery, I would unlatch him. If he cried and tried to get back on, I would let him. Thirty seconds later, unlatch him. If he cries, put him back, take him off again ten seconds later. As soon as he didn't cry when I unlatched him, I would put him down in his crib. It took a couple days, then he would let me unlatch him after 5 minutes or less of nursing, and go back down in crib without complaint.
Step two: Don't let him nurse anymore at that waking we're trying to drop. Hold him in arms until he goes to sleep.
I would just hold him in my arms (NOT in a nursing position), but kind of sitting up with his head resting on my shoulder (similar position as he would be in baby carrier). The first two nights this made him really mad. He squirmed and cried for about ten minutes until he finally fell asleep on my shoulder.
Step three: Shorten duration of holding in arms time. Pat/rub back and hum to sleep.
Instead of him crying for ten or fifteen minutes, and trying to comfort him in my arms until he was totally asleep, I just hold him for 2-4 minutes until he is calm. He tries to put his head down on my shoulder, but it's really not that comfy to fall asleep on. So I put him down in crib, totally awake, he cries and tries to get on all fours. I pull his arms out from underneath him to make him lay on tummy, then rub and pat his back while humming softly. He calms quickly, and soon falls asleep. Takes about ten minutes for him to fall asleep while I pat and rub his back, and hum.
Step four: Shorten duration of rubbing/patting back.
I want him to learn to physically soothe or calm himself, whether by sucking his tongue, rubbing his feet together, or any other physical method that most babies develop, to help soothe himself to sleep. Nursing use to do it. Then holding in my arms did it. Then patting/rubbing his back did it. Now I want to remove physical methods of my own, so he can discover his own (without using CIO). Now I pick him up, give him a hug, put him down, pat his back twice, while humming. Continue humming a minute until he falls asleep.
The results of all this: He is rarely waking up anymore at the 9/10pm time. When he does, it takes about two minutes to put him peacefully back down to sleep.
Occassionally, he's now sleeping six to eight hours straight from 8pm to 2 or 4am. He still comes into bed with us at 4 or 5am.
So after he comes into bed with us, he was waking every 30-60 minutes until up for the day between 7 and 8. I have also been shortening the duration of those nursing sessions by unlatching him after just a couple minutes. Now he will often pop himself off after two or three minutes and go right to sleep. And he often sleeps 2 hours straight (4 to 6 am) before waking up to nurse.
The big trick to helping this was after nursing him a short while laying down in bed, unlatch him, then roll over and turn my back to him (he sleeps between Benjamin and I). He often cries for a few seconds, or a minute or two off and on, flipping and flopping around until he gets comfy and falls asleep. He often wants to sleep touching me, either his hands or face, or complete body laying against my back. If I fall asleep like this, and wake up ten or thirty minutes later, I often move away from him. Sometimes it takes him ten minutes or so to fall back asleep laying between us, but I don't turn back around and nurse him. This is also helping him learn to fall asleep on his own, without help from me, but doing so gently without CIO.
I certainly don't have the corner of the market on helping a baby sleep, as mine is still waking plenty. BUT he is waking much LESS, and these are the things I did to help move him in that direction.
The photo at the top is Jax sleeping at six weeks old. Pretty much all his infant photos are sleeping, and none of them are now!
