I'm part of a couple different baby wearing groups on Facebook. Some are buy/sell/trade groups for used baby carriers and wraps. Some are conversation groups focused on baby wearing. Babywearing International - did you know that existed? (me neither) is an international association with local chapters. The local chapters have meetings where moms can try on different carriers, loan or borrow carriers, and talk about baby-wearing obsessions using baby-wearing acronyms you have to learn in order to understand conversations.
The bonus of participating in Babywearing International, is there are VBEs (don't know what the acronym stands for, but these women are certified instructors for baby wearing). They can teach you how to safely wear your child (there are very important safety rules, because after all, you are trusting your baby's life and body to the fabric wrapped around them). They can teach you about different carriers and help you find some that will work for you. They are passionate about baby wearing, and a great resource for anyone, newbie or experienced, who wants to wear their baby.
The following question was recently posted in my local group. I have slightly modified the language so as to capture the intent of the person's question without copying them exactly.
"Do you wear your baby around the house even when they are not fussy? When my first baby was little, he was fussy and wanted to be held constantly. Baby wearing allowed me to have a happy baby, and still get things done around the house. But my daughter seems to be more content. I don't need to wear her just to keep her from being fussy. But I really want to wear her! Is it silly to still wear her around the house?"
This was definitely my story with Jax. He was an extremely happy baby. The only time he wasn't happy was when he was hungry, tired, diaper changing, or put down in a swing, bouncer, crib, or other baby device. If I was lucky, I could get 5-10 minutes of peace from him in one of those things.
When we took walks with him in the stroller, he cried until he fell asleep. He was perfectly happy however, with a walk around the neighborhood while being worn in a baby carrier. In fact, that was an ideal way to calm him down.
He wouldn't nap longer than thirty minutes, anywhere, at any time, except maybe once a month on some random day he'd take a long nap. He was happy and content when he was being held or cuddled or nursed. I had (luckily) purchased a couple baby carriers before he was born, and used them WAY more than I thought I would. He ended up attached to me a significant portion of the day for his three or four months of life. I found I could get him to nap longer by bouncing and walking him back to sleep in the carrier, when he started waking up at the end of each thirty-minute sleep cycle.
I feel that being close to me helped Jax be content and peaceful. I attribute our baby wearing experience with a lot of the happiness and closeness that Benjamin and I share, and continue to share, with Jax. It's not that we wouldn't be happy or close if we didn't baby wear, it's that baby wearing has increased this experience.
I figure if we have more kids, I will wear them too, regardless of whether or not they fuss and "require" me to wear them. But it hadn't occurred to me how I would handle a baby who really was peaceful in a swing or bouncer for long stretches of time. Would I leave them there? Would I take their peace as a relief and permission to do the many other things a Mommy has to do? Would I wear them anyway, just because I wanted them to be close?
Many people responded to the original mama's question, and most said "Wear the baby anyway!" (But this is in a baby wearing group, so, you know.) Here is how I responded:
"To generalize, in America we value individualism and independence over connection and inter-dependence. I feel this cultural trait is an underpinning cause of other problems we have as a nation. Personally, I want to be connected to my kids and I want them to value connection.
We also have confused ideas about physical touch and affection. Most people don't blink an eye at sexually active teenagers as long as they are using "protection." And yet breast feeding past one year, co-sleeping, or a pre-teen who still wants to cuddle with a parent is see as weird or too intimate.
During pregnancy in America, we buy strollers, swings, bouncers, bumbo seats, play gyms, and pack n plays. Rare is the person who registers for a baby carrier, even a Moby wrap, which won't last past a couple months of age. Even in our baby product sales, we are prioritizing a value for infants to be on their own. I for one, don't consider this healthy. I have used all those items for my son, and they have their place (I remember feeling like between wearing and nursing, he was attached to me All Day and I just needed a break). I do think it's possible to rely on those objects to entertain and care for our babies. Our babies need our touch, eye contact, voice, and affection for proper brain development, learning of social skills, language, and meeting their emotional needs for trust, security, comfort, and love. This is easy and fun to do while baby wearing!
So I say, wear the babies and toddlers. Don't let a confused, independence-obsessed culture shake your instinct as a mom. If you need a bouncer or swing, go for it. Your baby will be okay. If you want to wear your baby, just because you want to, do it! Cuddle them tight as long as you can, and maybe they will still put their head in your lap to be scratched, twenty years from now.
I am making generalities here, so hope no one takes offense. I use swings and strollers when I need them . But I love wearing babies for oh so many reasons, and these are a few theoretical ones."
Baby wearing at Schlitterbahn using a DIY cotton gauze wrap. This was my first experience with a non-stretchy wrap. Cue the, "awwww, he was so little!"
