We have started telling people about you. Everyone we tell is so excited that you exist. That you are growing more every day. Some people have been so excited they have yelled and cried and jumped up and down. This is how I want to feel. I guess I can never be assured of anything. From the minute your life is created until the minute God calls you home, no matter how many weeks or years or decades that is, I will never know. My hesitation to celebrate is slowly being replaced with a gently happiness as each new person rejoices on our behalf. Their joy has so exceeded mine that it is slowly rubbing off on me.
I tend to make transitions in life gradually. I imagine the day when I throw off all the fears and celebrate with everything in me will be the day you arrive. But until then, I want to experience celebration too.
I am getting more used to saying that you exist. It means I am believing it more.
This week you have doubled in size (again!) and graduated to the size of a blueberry. Blueberries are one of my favorite fruits, and they are in season this time of year. I have been eating them by the handfuls. I can hold one in the palm of my hand and stare at it, amazed that if I could see you, you would already be this big. And yet this small.
As I prayed for you this week, I felt some peace from our dear Holy Spirit that I would not lose you. That you are here to stay. I needed that. Now I can slowly let my emotions catch up.
You are so badly wanted, and so deeply loved, that I just needed to know I could want you, and love you, and you would not be taken from me.
I am writing to you about the Holy Spirit, because I want you to know Him and love Him too. This verse says it well, “The living, the living – they praise You, as I am doing today; parents tell their children about Your faithfulness.” (Isaiah 38:19)
