We're having a rough morning in the house today. It's slightly improved at the moment by the fact that Jax is finally napping and I am having a moment of sanity via blogging.
We have so many delightful days, end upon end, full of so much joy. Perhaps that is why a rough day takes me by surprise, throws me off balance, makes me lose my patience. It's not that terrible really, just off.
Jax slept an amazing nine and a half hours straight from 7:30 pm to 5:00 am. I slept just one hour less than he, which felt amazing. But I still wasn't prepared for him to wake up for the day at five a.m. It's not a first, but it's not common. He was a bit grumpy, but too awake to go back down to sleep.
Of course he was ready for a nap two hours later, so at seven a.m. I put him down for a nap, and tucked myself into bed for one too. Except he slept thirty minutes. When he's been taking consistent 1.5 hour morning naps for weeks now, nearly every day. He woke up right as I had fallen asleep.
I think I groaned, "please...no..." and pulled the covers over my head. I gave him (and I) about fifteen minutes to be SURE he was really awake before going in to him. He was grumpy. I ate breakfast. Tried to get some things done. He just fussed because he was sleepy and wanted to be held. My better baby carrier was left at church on Sunday, so I wore him, but not in the easiest manner. Wearing him is the one thing that usually works when he's fussy.
Two hours later, by nine a.m., he fell asleep nursing so I put him down in his crib again. And of course he woke. I let him cry for thirty minutes, which is WAY longer than I usually do, hoping against hope that he would figure out he was exhausted and go to sleep. He didn't.
We tried again at eleven a.m. I put him in the carrier, covered him up with a blanket, and walked around until he stopped crying and fell asleep. Put him in the crib, and he woke up crying again. When they get this exhausted, it's tough. I did something I've never done before, and held him still, on his belly, in his crib. I held his head down with one hand, and patted his back with the other. He was NOT a fan. But I just knew if he would lay still he would fall asleep! I was right. It took only about a minute before he was out. I'm hoping he'll finally take a good nap. I wish I could fall asleep again too, but I'm a bit strung up to try to fall asleep right now.
Here's the thing. My days are rarely, rarely, ever like this. It's not that I don't complain on my blog. It's that my days are usually beautiful and happy and peaceful and lovely. So I really shouldn't go on and on with all the details about the sad day, because this isn't reality. I mean, it is, today. But most days, Jax naps beautifully, and I get things done, and my house is tidy, and I make him giggle, and he plays happily. That is the gift of a typical day around here. I am so blessed.
Perhaps the silly aggravations of our morning are getting to me because my heart is heavy for several loved ones and friends who are hurting right now. Parents diagnosed with cancer...way too young...way too healthy...way too alive for news like that. Young sisters in a car accident where only one survived. Some of these people I've met before. Some of them are friends of friends who live states away. But I have a connection to them across the miles. And my heart is heavy. We are unbelievably blessed, each day that we have the gift to live and breathe and move. And hold and kiss our fussy, nap-less infants. And wake up with our family still surrounding us. And when the Evil One's plan of destruction pushes through and has its way on this temporary earth, we struggle and weep and ache. I am grateful that this life is not all there is. I am grateful for each moment here that is beautiful, and I ask for strength for those which aren't.
And I know that He knows. That God knows there are days when life sucks, and days when we lose someone and it is awful and unbearable and we feel like we're falling to pieces. I know He knows, because He sent His son. To intervene on earth. To bring miracles and healing into the here and now. To open up a path for us to know Him, talk to Him, cry to Him. To send His presence, the Holy Spirit, to comfort us. To make a way for us to know when a loved one has closed the door on earth, that we may see them again one day in a new life.
So we hang onto Him. What else is there to hang onto? Only in His presence is there hope and the promise that this is not all there is.
HERS | Shirt Old Navy | Tank Express, gift | Shorts Old Navy | Belt thrifted | Shoes Ross | Necklace thrifted
HIS | Shirt Carters (Go Team Mommy!) | Shorts Target
Also, other ways I have worn blue and blue. Here (a happier day) and here and here.
